Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
