4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
