beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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