MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
