I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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