I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
