Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
