I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
