I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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