careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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