I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I would ride that face into the sunset
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
