I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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