There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
cat food counts as protein by the way
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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