well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
