hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
