this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
