wake up i wanna do it froggy style
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
