I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
