Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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