it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
