I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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