I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
