Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
