Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
