she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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