she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Farmville is her only friend.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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