We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
