you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
