Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
