I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
