there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
porn star boner night. come get it.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
