Is it normal to miss your booty call?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize