i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
