"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize