haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
