I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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