I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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