She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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