did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
She's the barista slut.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
