I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize