Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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