omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
