he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
