I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
