walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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