And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
