I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
