i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
being pregnant is like rehab
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
