Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
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