I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
