Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
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