Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
