Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Randomize
