Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
