i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
