We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
