I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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