i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
