I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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