Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize