Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
