hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
