Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
