do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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