What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
