the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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