yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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