he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
