I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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