Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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