He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
