Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
That accounts for only three of the penises
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
