If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize