I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
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