if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Let's paint friendship bongs
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
