dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
