i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
My dick has a subreddit
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
