i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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