You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
