you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
