he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Randomize
