Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
