She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
