so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
