You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
