Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
