i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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