so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
