she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
