Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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