Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
