You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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