lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
