Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize