I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I have already put on my inside pants.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
