Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
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