I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
