So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
