Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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