Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
