If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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