I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
