So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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